For Men Only – Group Information

 

A. Group Background Information

For Men Only (FMO) is a ministry of New Heights Church that is based largely on the ministry of East Hill in Gresham, Oregon. The overall purpose of the East Hill ministry is to “assist men in the courageous fight for healthy sexuality”. To be more specific, the ministry helps men that deal with unwanted sexual behaviors and sexual addiction issues. Several men that were involved in an East Hill’s FMO group also attended New Heights Church. In 2000, these men met with a pastor at New Heights to discuss the possibility of starting a similar ministry. After considerable discussion and prayer, For Men Only ministry was launched. Since that time, the ministry has grown and is helping men in this community in their battles and achieving a life of recovery. God has brought leaders to the group who personally deal with these issues, so there is a level of understanding, compassion, and commitment to recovery that comes from their own struggles. We welcome you to our group and hope that the combination of God’s love, forgiveness, and desire for your heart, along with the resources and support of this group, results in breaking the bonds of addiction and developing habits and perspectives consistent with healthy sexuality.

 

B. New Heights FMO Mission Statement

For Men Only (FMO) strives to help men heal and achieve freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors – through education and accountability, all within a supportive and grace-filled environment. In this group, you’ll find understanding, compassion, and a strong commitment to recovery. You’ll also find resources and support that can help break the bonds of addiction and bad habits, and a path to healthy sexuality.

 

C. Intake Process

All men interested in attending the For Men Only (FMO) are required to meet with a designated FMO contact and complete an intake process. The purpose of this intake is to assist the group leaders in learning more about the particular sexual desires and behaviors that problematic. It is extremely important that you be completely honest when completing this inventory, as the responses will be used to place you in an appropriate accountability group with other members that have similar issues. All forms are destroyed after use for placement, so that confidentiality is ensured. If for any reason you feel that the accountability group that you are placed with is not appropriate for your needs, please discuss the situation with one of the FMO leaders.

 

D. General Meeting Schedule

  • 7:00 – 7:15 PM: Opening Comments and Announcements
  • 7:20 – 8:05 PM: Teaching Groups
  • 8:10 – 9:15 PM: Accountability Groups

 

E. Teaching Groups

There are currently three different teaching groups:

Choose Planned Recovery (CPR): This is an introductory 7-week class that provides a broad overview of sexual addiction issues and concepts relating to the recovery process. The curriculum is based on the following paradigm: Spirit / Soul / Body

Heart/Core – Thoughts – Feelings – Choices – Behaviors – Relationships

A handout packet is provided at the beginning of the class and you can start at any point and continue until you have completed all classes. Each week, the group discusses one of these topics. In the seventh week, the new members learn about relapse prevention plans and are provided with content guidelines to facilitate writing one. These plans should be shared with the new member’s accountability group and then revised and updated on a regular basis. If you would like to repeat the class one or more times before moving to Sexual Integrity 101, you are welcome to do so.

Sexual Integrity 101:
This class continues to build on the foundation from CPR. This course utilizes video teachings, workbook exercises and group discussions. With a better understanding of the components necessary to true recovery, coupled with your past experiences, you’ll continue to learn how to grow in your recovery and your walk with God. You’ll also be introduced to several more tools and resources that will assist you in maintaining recovery and becoming better equipped to face the day-to-day challenges of overcoming unwanted sexual behaviors.

Seven Pillars of Freedom:
This class is based on the work book “Seven Pillars of Freedom” by Dr. Ted Roberts. This workbook is divided into 7 restoration units/pillars: Breaking Through Denial, Understanding the Nature of Sexual Addiction, Surrender to the Process, Limit Damage from Behavior, Establish Sobriety, Battle in Your Mind, and Develop and Implement a Spiritual Growth Plan. The workbook is based on the work of Patrick Carnes and the experiences of Ted Roberts in his 20 years of working with Christian men who are struggling with sexual addiction in their lives.

 

F. Accountability Groups

The purpose of these groups is to hold men accountable for their choices, to encourage them to make choices that are consistent with their stated desire for sexual purity, to share strategies and common challenges, and to celebrate successes. Each group is facilitated by one or two leaders that ensure sharing is appropriate, that guidelines are followed, and that each person has adequate time to share. Each group also maintains a phone list so that members can contact one another for encouragement, confession, and developing deeper personal relationships.

 

G. Group Guidelines

  • This is a Christ-centered ministry. We don’t look to human leadership alone to solve the problems of sexual addiction or freeing ourselves from unwanted sexual behaviors. Instead, we focus extraordinary healing power of Jesus Christ working through ordinary men.
  • Regular attendance is crucial in order to make consistent progress. Make Thursday nights a priority and attempt to avoid any scheduling conflicts that would prevent you from attending.
  • Be on time for the start of the meeting. Arrive a few minutes early to help set up, get your nametag, and talk with other members.
  • Complete your homework and come prepared to discuss your insights and/or any questions.
  • Confidentiality is crucially important. While you are welcome to share your insights or progress with other individuals, under no circumstances should any comments made by other members be shared outside of the group. This creates and maintains a safe place to be open and honest with each other.
  • Be honest during the teaching and accountability groups. Many sexual addicts are exceptional liars and spin artists. If you are tempted to be less than forthcoming, just remember that this is a safe place to share your actions, feelings, and thoughts.

The guidelines below are designed to allow all group members to practice being honest and open in their communication and conduct: It is also to help you build the kind of trust the group needs to provide a safe and confidential environment to provide maximum opportunity for healing to take place.

  1. The group is safe; we can be honest
  2. The group is safe; we can be angry (even at God).
  3. The group is safe; we can have conflict.
  4. The group is safe; we can be sad, lonely or frightened.
  5. We will not put ourselves or others down.
  6. We will make no self-righteous statements.
  7. We will not blame others; we will take responsibility for our own actions.
  8. We will strive to affirm ourselves and others.
  9. We will practice confidentiality.
  10. We will only give feedback when asked.
  11. Group time will be divided among all those that ask to share.
  12. We will pray for God’s presence & guidance in all our discussions.
  • Ask for permission before giving feedback. As guys, we often feel an inherent desire to solve problems and frequently feel that we know the way to do it. However, sometimes we just need to listen.
  • Keep your sharing focused on issues dealing with your recovery and don’t drift on to other unrelated topics.
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H. Counseling Resources

Many of our members will vouch for the benefits of working with a Christian counselor that has training and experience in dealing with sexual addiction issues and unwanted sexual behaviors. The decision on which counselor is best for you is a very personal decision and a list is included on the FMO monthly calendar. We encourage you to talk with other members to learn about their experiences with counselors to determine if their style sounds like a good fit for you. Counseling is relatively expensive and should be regarded as a financial investment in your recovery. Remember, you only get out of it what you put into it.

 

I. Book Resources

Here is just a sampling of some of the books that discuss aspects of sexual addiction and unwanted sexual behaviors. We strongly encourage supplementary reading on the topic to increase your knowledge and provide additional insights into sexual addiction and recovery. Other resources are included on the back of the For Men Only resource sheet:

  • False Intimacy (Dr. Harry Schaumburg)
  • Winning the Battle Within (Neil T. Anderson)
  • Pure Desire (Ted Roberts)
  • The Purity Principle (Randy Alcorn)
  • Hope After Betrayal (Meg Wilson)
  • Every Man’s Battle (Stephen Arterburn)
  • Surfing for God (Michael John Cusik)
  • Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus (Russell Willingham and Bob Davies)
  • Unwanted: How Our Sexual Brokenness Leads the Way to Healing (Jay Springer)
  • Your Future Self Will Thank You (Drew Dyck)
  • Don’t Call It Love: Recovering from Sexual Addiction (Patrick Carnes)
  • Facing the Shadow (Patrick Carnes)